One thing is for sure, and two things I am certain of is that you will always have a conflict if you don’t have the plan to communicate in marriage. There will forever be this tension when expressing your thoughts and feelings with your spouse. Many times it’s not only IF you communicate; it’s HOW you communicate with your spouse. We plan for everything: our wedding, finances, and jobs, but we don’t have a plan for when there is conflict. Here are three ways to overcome a lack of communication in your marriage.
Learn to label your feelings.
We have to learn to label our feelings and not our spouse. Growing up in a society where men are taught the only acceptable feeling is anger, they have difficulty expressing other feelings such as confusion, frustration, etc. A feeling is just that: a feeling. Feelings aren’t facts but we have to learn a healthy way of communicating. We have learned through numerous books and counseling that a healthy way to communicate sometimes when there is conflict is to communicate in the third person. State the word in the conversation and then the feeling evoked. Such as, “When I heard the words’ always late for dinner, I felt confused.” Be careful not to use many “you” statements because that automatically makes the other person defensive.
Seek to understand
Seek to understand and not just get your point across. Can I raise my hand here? I have been guilty of this more than once or twice. We often seek to talk and do not understand where our spouse is coming from. Spend some time truly listening and not just listening to respond in defense. My friend told me about something they use that I think was helpful. They have a tangible symbol they use during the discussion. Whether it be a mic, piece of paper, etc., and when they are holding that mic, they “have the floor” to speak in the conversation, and the other person must listen.
Check your motives
Is your heart in a posture of defense or love when having a conflict with your spouse? Are you going into the conflict carefully crafting how you communicate by using your “I” statements instead of your “you” statements?
Which tip did you find most helpful? Let me know in the comments below.
shanna nelson
Absolutely! Communication is KEY! Love your tips sis!